In an effort to help users of Florida Gun Trader decipher the common phrases in ads posted by its moronic users, the following list of terms can be used for reference:
“Sniper Rifle” I went to see the Chris Kyle movie yesterday, and now my Savage Axis rifle has a 3 X 9 Tasco scope on it.
“Green Tip .556” I want to convince you that you will someday need to shoot a tank with your AR-15 pistol, so you need to buy this special ammo to do so.
“Selling to Fund Another Project” One of my 9 monthly child support payments is due, so I must sell my Jennings .22 to pay it.
“Do Your Research” I want you to think that everyone selling this same model of gun has it priced as high as I do.
“Custom Build” I tried to assemble an AR-15 myself, and it will not fire 2 consecutive rounds without jamming. So, I plan to sell it to some unsuspecting fool on FGT.
“Great Deal – Price Drop” My gun is still priced too high, but not quite as high as it was a couple of days ago.
“Final Price Drop” My gun has been priced too high several times now, but now I have lowered the price to only $100 more than it is worth.
“Up for Grabs” Even though hundreds of you want to buy my knock-off Korean Glock mag, only one of you will be so lucky.
“Need to Make Room in the Safe” I am selling my only brick of .22 LR ammo to make room in my imaginary safe for my imaginary belt-fed M-60.
“Multiple Items for Sale” I need to get rid of my dirty Highpoint magazine with a broken follower, and a $5 plastic pistol case.
“Don’t Waste My Time with Lowball Offers” Don’t waste my time with reasonable offers.
“Tec-9 For Sale” I bought this gun recently to prove that I know absolutely nothing about firearms.
“Tec-22 For Sale” I bought this gun recently to prove that I know even less about firearms than that ^ guy.
“FDE – Flat Dark Earth” Brown (but I can’t say ‘brown’ and have overweight chicks think I am cool, so I say “FDE).
“Make Offer” Whatever you want to pay will not be enough, because I am delusional.
“If Ad is Still Posted, Gun is Still for Sale” If ad is still posted, gun is still priced to high.
"Wife Says Sell" My 300 pound wife with a moustache kicked my A$$ and told me to sell this gun.
“Zombie” I had the word ‘Zombie’ engraved on my gun to make myself seem cool. Now nobody wants to buy it.
“Will Demonstrate at the Range if You Provide the Ammo and Pay the Range Fees” I have never had any ammo for this gun nor have I fired it, and I do not have an extra $5 to go to the range.
“Custom Ruger 10/22” I put $500 worth of useless accessories on my 10/22 and now it is worth $175.
“Tack Driver” I fired 100 rounds through this gun, and one of them hit the edge of the target.
“Highly Sought After” Anyone with $300 already has one.
“Rarely Available” Readily available, but at a price much lower than mine.
“Custom Cerakote Finish.” I tried to do this myself, and I might as well have used a can of spray paint.
“In Good Shape” Pretend you cannot see the rust and pitting in the photos I posted.
“Combat” I played a lot of video games. In fact, I am 58 years old, and I am still playing a lot of video games.
“I Am Not Hurting for Money” I am hurting for money.
“Trade Value” $200 more than my gun is worth..
“Need to Sell” I need money, but I am not going to get any because my guns are priced to high.
“Need to Sale” Same as above, but I did not attend school past the 5th grade.
“Cleaning Out the Safe” I do not own a safe, and here is a list of overpriced garbage I want to sell.
“Want to Buy” I cannot afford to buy what I am looking for, but have no problem wasting your time with countless email exchanges while I pretend I can.
“Custom AR-15 Rifle” I installed a Chinese Eotech knock-off and $30 laser.
“Pre-Ban” A 20 year old rifle with a flash suppresser, identical to the same gun manufactured today.
“Battle Rifle” Neither I nor this rifle have ever seen a battle.
“Kept in Safe Since New.” I have never owned a safe.
“Mint Condition” I have not dropped this one on the concrete steps of my mobile home yet.
“My Favorite Gun to Shoot” This gun is .22 caliber, and the only one I can afford to shoot.
“Nice AR-15 Pistol” I thought I would be able to hit a 5 foot diameter target at 10 feet. I was wrong.
“Recently Appraised” I made up a dollar amount to put in this ad so I can justify my high price.
“$___ Worth of Options” I bought a bunch of stupid crap to put on my gun, and there is no way I am ever going to recoup that money.
“Fun Gun to Shoot” The people at the range laughed at my pink frame Kel Tec, so I have to get something else.
“Excellent Home Defense Weapon” I have a shotgun for sale.
“Remarkably Accurate” I tried to hit the State of Florida from 50 yards, and I missed.
“Low Round Count” My gun looks good, and there is no way you can tell how much I shot it.
“Getting Hard to Find” There are 67 of this same model advertised on Gunbroker for half the price I am asking.
“Price is Firm” I will not be selling this gun because it is priced too high.
“No Trades” My welfare check has not arrived, and I need cash for beer.
“On the List to be Banned” I have a 7 th grade education and live in a double-wide trailer in Lake County, but I am the guy who has access to the BATF ‘list’ of guns to banned.
“No Low Ball Offers” I am going to be disgusted with you if you offer me $200 for my $175 gun that I have advertised for $400.
“Furniture” The stocks on my rifle, but I want to sound like I am a gun expert of sorts.
“Rare” Seller’s Ruger 10/22 with birch stock and Uncle Mike’s $4 sling is somehow worth $100 more than a new one from Wal-Mart.
“Unfired” Gun has been shot, but cleaned very well.
"Tactical" My High Point Carbine has a 30 round magazine.
“Won’t Last Long at this Price” I’ll still have this gun for sale 6 months from now.
“BNIB” Advertising your gun as BRAND new in box makes it worth at least $200 more than one that is just NIB.
"Going Back in the Safe" "This price is only good for 2 days, then the gun is going back in my safe." So I guess I better hurry up and give you the $850 for your Glock 19 before I miss out on this bargain of a life time, right?